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Energy Vampires

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Energy Vampires

Post by kazoo on Sat Oct 15, 2016 4:28 pm

I feel bad even creating this thread...

I have a friend who is a constant drama magnet. Every day there is some new development in the saga that is her life. It's major stuff too with her husband's health and his addiction issues, job/money, family...with no end in sight or resolution to the problems in the near future. It's also a ton of stuff that she blows up to be bigger than they are and stuff she won't let go- keeping the past in the present and attracting more and more problems.

Why I feel bad is lately I've been avoiding her. I need a break from the drama. I feel bad that I know she needs support that I feel like I can't give right now. I've been as supportive as I can be for such a long time, but honestly it's exhausting. She doesn't have a really big support network, so most of it has fallen on me.

So my question is how do you support those you care about when they are going thru a hard time while not having their issues drain you and affect your own positive energy? I think we've kinda discussed this before with the people pleasing issue, but I think it's a little different. Part of friendship is being there for them when times are tough and I've done that for so long now. It's kinda like why I avoid PLOA. I've gotten to the point where I can feel the energy draining out of me whenever I'd go there. Whenever she calls or texts I feel the energy draining right out of me. Where is the line between creating boundaries for yourself which everyone needs for their own well being and being selfish? I keep thinking of that idea that real friends are the ones who stand by you when times are hard, but is it different with the energy vampires who are constantly going thru hard times and attracting drama?
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Re: Energy Vampires

Post by Night Eyes on Sun Oct 16, 2016 10:40 am

I can relate exactly to how you feel Kazoo, I have some friends who I feel are sucking the life right out of me sometimes, and even though i've tried to set boundaries and explain that there's certain things I dont wish to discuss or get involved in, they seem to be completely ignoring me and carrying on as usual.

I wish I had some advice to give you but the truth is I cant seem to work it out myself right now lol. I just try to keep a distance and focus on other things whilst reminding myself they clearly need this dynamic more than I do.

But yeah.... where do we draw the line from being that good friend who is always there, to putting our own wellbeing first? I think thats just another societal guilt trip sometimes, we're conditioned to believe we're bad if we put our own needs first and we'll be judged if we do, it's so heroic and good of us to be that rock to someone isnt it.
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Re: Energy Vampires

Post by kazoo on Sun Oct 16, 2016 1:12 pm

Yeah, NE, you are right about some people needing that dynamic.  Some people just THRIVE on drama and aren't happy unless their life is playing out like some kind of trashy reality tv show.  Meanwhile, I really just want peace and quiet in life, so we just aren't on the same page.

I understand that sometimes friendships run their course or the dynamic changes and once close friendships sometimes kinda evolve into something different while still remaining friends...but it just seems kinda unfortunate when it happens when one of the friends is going thru a hard time.

I don't really think it's selfish to put ourselves first.  Self care is definitely important. It's like when you're on a flight they tell you if there is an emergency to make sure your oxygen mask is on before you help someone else.  We can't be any good at all to anyone if we don't also take care of ourselves.  We can't give energy we don't have.  I'm afraid that whole concept may be lost on the vampires tho.  Neutral  I think sometimes they get so caught up in their own drama that they don't see that we have needs too.
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Re: Energy Vampires

Post by Night Eyes on Sun Oct 16, 2016 1:37 pm

Yes I think aswell sometimes friendships do outgrow each other or grow in different directions or at different paces, I find what worked for me with friends before just doesnt anymore, as i've worked hard to get into a place where i dont need to compare or i dont need to dwell or be stuck and unfortunately some friendships still need that, and it just makes things hard or difficult, I want to have fun and have experiences or good times, they just want to stay trapped in the past or drown in their woes, i'm not criticising or judging people for that, and I will always be there for friends during hard times, but it does become difficult when you feel like you're the only person bringing something to the friendship and getting nothing back, it brings you down a bit as you end up feeling drained and like a doormat. Its hard to find the line to draw where you dont allow people to take advantage of your helping nature, I am naturally a helper, so I will always go out of my way to support and be there for people but sometimes it comes at my own emotional expense.

I totally agree with we have to practice self care, our lives and wellbeing are as important as anyone elses and we have to honour ourselves, but sadly sometimes I dont have the heart to say no, i've never been a very assertive person, i'm sure i'm *gulp* a bit passive aggressive with it all sometimes.

Or I use what Freud terms 'reaction formation' to cope.
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Re: Energy Vampires

Post by kazoo on Sun Oct 16, 2016 2:14 pm

NE, you're touching on a part of it that's making it more difficult. I've worked really hard to get myself to a good place as well and I'm no longer a vibrational match to some of the people I've known for a long time.

The hard part is that I KNOW what it's like to be in that place but I'm not there anymore. So it's like moving along to greener pastures and leaving them behind in that bad place when you just wish they could catch up with you and join you where you are. But we know it doesn't work that way and everyone takes their own time to get to that place (if they ever do.)

Sadly, I think that in these situations it's more common for the person with the lower vibration to bring others down rather than the person with the higher vibration to lift others up.
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Re: Energy Vampires

Post by LittlemissSunshine on Sun Oct 16, 2016 2:40 pm

Well you know friendship is an interaction between two people. If one feels drained and the other not, it means there is imbalance. One is giving more, than the other, so I wouldn't worry about being selfish, because they are being selfish as well by throwing all these negative emotions on you. Sometimes these situations are temporary, which happens when you don't go through the same situations in life, but if this is permanent and you always have to give without receiving in that case I would address it. Sometimes they aren't even aware they are doing it. If you have an
honest conversation and just discuss you care about them a lot but at the same time you also feel drained it doesn't have to be a big problem.

Friendships go through phases just like relationships. Sometimes you grow together and sometimes you grow apart. If people don't match what you expect to get out of a friendship anymore let them go, but the most beautiful friendship are the ones where you can grow together.

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Re: Energy Vampires

Post by Luney on Mon Oct 17, 2016 3:44 am

What kind of a friend is she? If she's one of the kind that always talk about their own issues and even if you mention something about your own life, she still finds a way to smoothly guide the conversation back to her own problems and who talks to you for hours when in trouble, but if things are going well they are nowhere to be found or always too busy for you - then walk away firmly and don't even feel bad. These type of people use you for their own selfish needs and as all the gurus say- you need to eliminate them from your life or they will always drag you down.

But if she is one that has always been a good friend, but has lately fallen on hard times and still finds time to talk about your life, then maybe try to do a Neville and affirm all things are going well for her now, or find a way to protect yourself energetically speaking.
I've heard many different ways for protection, some say place the palm of your hand in your solar plexus when interacting with an energy vampire, because that's where energy gets drained from. Some say imagine you are in a bubble that has a reflective mirror on the outside, so they can't get to you.
Some say spend a few moments daily to send love to that person.
And finally yesterday I just read an article about some shamanistic magic tips and tricks from the ancestors Laughing it said to take a small piece of paper, draw a dot in the middle and a circle around it, then understand that the dot is you and the circle around it is your protection, put it in your pocket and carry it with you Very Happy

I haven't tried any of them, except the Neville thing and that did work, so... keep us updated Very Happy
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Re: Energy Vampires

Post by kazoo on Mon Oct 17, 2016 3:42 pm

LMS, you are so right about the need for balance. I think in any relationship there is always give and take but at the end of the day there has to be balance there in order for it to be harmonious.

Luney, it's not quite as bad as all that, it's not 100% one-sided but there's definitely a huge imbalance.  There is also some frustration, kinda like the same I encountered at PLOA where you give all the advice you know how (she's not really open to LoA type advice so I try to present it in ways that she might be receptive) and she doesn't really take the advice from me or anyone else.  But then she still wants to complain.  She acknowledges she should be doing some things differently but doesn't.  I know it's not always so easy to change and get out of a rut, but there's an element of helplessness there too.  I just don't know how to help someone who won't help themselves.  

I know that they say that when your vibration changes people in your life who are no longer a match may fade away, and it's one thing when the negative co-worker or annoying neighbor are no longer around, it's kinda different with someone who has been a friend forever.

Maybe I'll try that Luney and just try to affirm that things will get better for her from a distance.


Last edited by kazoo on Mon Oct 17, 2016 3:49 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Energy Vampires

Post by kazoo on Mon Oct 17, 2016 3:47 pm

On a side note, the forum only lets you thank one person per thread? I wanted to thank all of you but the system wouldn't let me. scratch
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Re: Energy Vampires

Post by Night Eyes on Tue Oct 18, 2016 2:08 pm

Yes for some reason Kazoo it only let's you thank one member, I just use the like button instead.

I agree with there being a balance, I did have it out with a friend a few weeks back because I felt I was being used and getting nothing in return, it seemed I was bringing everything to the table but I wasnt wanted unless it was to listen to their problems or help them out. I literally had it all turned around on me and made to feel awful for even having feelings when they're having such a hard time, and despite all I was doing it wasnt enough because i hadnt text them or rung them at certain times (even though i was doing plenty of other stuff) ... I was quite willing to walk away from the friendship, but ever since even though I never got an apology they have been making more effort with me (yes I apologised even though I dont feel I did anything wrong), now though i feel guilty because I'm worried this friend isnt coping with anything at all.
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