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Letting go of the need to please

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Letting go of the need to please

Post by Evie on Mon Sep 05, 2016 8:06 pm

This article really spoke to me. It really depends on where I am at with my self-esteem - I realise that much of the past year I've "lost myself" in the need to be like everyone else in so many insidious tiny ways. Recently I've been getting up stronger boundaries and no longer putting such a huge emphasis on this voice that says, oh my God, I hope they like me.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/nice-isnt-compliment-letting-go-need-to-please/

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The mind can go in a thousand directions, but on this beautiful path, I walk in peace. With each step, the wind blows. With each step, a flower blooms.” - Thich Nhat Hanh
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Re: Letting go of the need to please

Post by kazoo on Tue Sep 06, 2016 10:40 pm

Another synchronicity!  (Which happens almost every time I go to post something here, someone else posts the same topic! tongue )

Here is another take on this:
http://www.vogue.com/13382473/life-changing-magic-of-not-giving-an-f?mbid=social_facebook
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Re: Letting go of the need to please

Post by LittlemissSunshine on Wed Sep 07, 2016 6:41 pm

Well it's like that isn't it. With everything we do. Stop caring as much and life will get easier. From now on I am little miss F** sunshine Wink
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Re: Letting go of the need to please

Post by Night Eyes on Thu Sep 08, 2016 12:08 pm

I'm so guilty in this area of always trying to people please, I get so walked over and taken advantage of, but I just dont seem to break the pattern... and it's so stressful
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Re: Letting go of the need to please

Post by kazoo on Thu Sep 08, 2016 3:19 pm

I think it's one of those things that happens when we derive our self worth based more on what other people think of us than what we think of ourselves.

I haven't had too much of an issue with this other than when it came to romantic relationships. I think I definitely just put up with whatever the guy wanted and thought I just had to take it to keep the peace and make him happy. As I got more confident in myself when it came to that area of my life I realized that I deserved better and put up with less shit. It was definitely a process for me to get there, and discovering LOA definitely played a role in that.

I definitely think we teach people how to treat us and once we establish strong boundaries for ourselves others see that we aren't there just to please them and those people either fade away or adjust their expectations of us.

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Re: Letting go of the need to please

Post by Luney on Thu Sep 08, 2016 9:10 pm

I don't try to please people too much. I mean, I'm always kind and respectful to people, but I've found that if a person demands to be pleased or mistreats you when you don't please them, then they tend to be a sort of a bottomless pit anyway. It doesn't matter how much you do, they will always find something lacking and some way to try to make you feel guilty, lazy or whatever other thing that makes you feel you haven't done enough.
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Re: Letting go of the need to please

Post by Night Eyes on Fri Sep 09, 2016 7:07 am

Kazoo I definitely think it's about boundaries, i really could learn how to say no or make my excuses more often, as I think sometimes you give someone an inch and they take a mile, I know i'm seen as a doormat to a lot of people, because I just dont have the heart to say no, I seem to be stuck between this philosophy and another where I think well if it's no hardship to me then why not... but it always results in me feeling taken advantage of or being a second thought.

It's actually making me very miserable right now.
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