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How to Talk About Anything with Anyone

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How to Talk About Anything with Anyone

Post by Evie on Sat May 28, 2016 5:18 pm

1. Listen. Too often when we're meeting someone new, we try to fill the dead moments with chatter about ourselves. Far better for you to listen first, talk second. Of course, someone has to start the conversation, but if you and your companion actually listen to each other and not worry about what to say next, things will flow more naturally.

...

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201107/10-tips-talk-about-anything-anyone
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Re: How to Talk About Anything with Anyone

Post by Night Eyes on Sun May 29, 2016 11:05 am

A lot of people only listen to reply

we all have multiple listening blocks which prevent us from actually listening to what another person is saying

http://onmymind.areavoices.com/2011/11/05/the-12-blocks-to-listening/
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Re: How to Talk About Anything with Anyone

Post by President Roosevelt on Tue May 31, 2016 7:02 am

I think there are at least 3 things that have helped me get out of my comfort zone and talk to people:

1. Be Comfortable In Your Own Skin

It sounds like a no-brainer but it can be easy to feel insecure around other people. We're often the very first to reject ourselves by judging other people first. We see that they are popular, powerful, rich, beautiful, charismatic, smart and so great...And why would they like us?

It's ironic that the same voice that rejects ourselves judges others to be someone who would automatically reject us based on their own status - a status largely reinforced by the mythology we interpret in our minds. In actuality, we are the ones making that call from the inside out. When I feel comfortable in my own skin, really feeling confident and accepting of myself, it's so much easier to talk to people because the inner critic is silenced by the calm and coolness of confidence, as if the flame of insecurity has been put out by a mighty wind. And I think people can sense it - it feels so much lighter and easier to talk to people who are comfortable with themselves.

The way I see it, being comfortable in your own skin is like bringing the positive energy with you to share and people need positive energy because it's refreshing. Also, when you feel calm and assured in who you are, external status is no longer a big deal because I think your own self-connection makes it easier to connect to others in ways that go beyond the superficial. Here are what helps me to be comfortable to be me:

1. Practice acceptance of yourself by focusing on the idea of acceptance, appreciating the best in yourself, and looking at the best that's yet to come in you that you can improve on. And don't forget to laugh at yourself too  Razz

2. Reach for ever powerful thoughts about yourself and the amazing life you can live, let it create a story in your mind about how awesome your life is. Do anything you can to feel confident and optimistic.

3. Do things you love to do - the things that give you pleasure, make you feel alive, or make you feel like a better person at the end of the day.

2. Be Interested In Them

I think we love people who are warm and friendly with us, who listen and understand, who see us with lightness and ease. So give to them the same rock star treatment as you wish they would give to you. Be patient, listen to their stories, connect to them from shared feelings, ideas, stories and passion. See in yourself that you can be very understanding, compassionate, a great listener, someone who is interested and easy to connect to and that's probably what will happen. See in them that they are good, essentially like you at a very human level, with so much fun to share in their own stories or knowledge. I think this can help to put things at ease.

3. Practice Acceptance and Appreciation

Sometimes things may not work out as you planned and it may not have anything to do with you. Maybe they were in a bad mood or just too busy with something else. So while you think you messed up for being awkward and insecure, they may not even remember meeting you. That's why it's important to practice acceptance of them and yourself. With acceptance, it's easier to let people be, to let life be, and to know that you'll be alright because today is different from yesterday - it's literally a new life or the chance to live a new life from a new perspective. And it's also cool to practice appreciation. When we actively see in others what we appreciate, we also discover more about ourselves that we appreciate as well (thereby helping us with self-acceptance). But by appreciating others, it also helps us to connect with them since these thoughts help us link to each other at a deeper level beyond the ego's fears mired in status. I think people want to feel accepted and appreciated by you just as much you want to be accepted and appreciated by them.

There should also be a 4th element:

4. Have A Sense of Humor

I think it's closely tied to being comfortable in yourself but people love to laugh and I haven't seen anything bring people together as much as putting humor into the conversation. And the best part is that if you can make someone laugh, they're more likely to open up and make you laugh too. laugh
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Re: How to Talk About Anything with Anyone

Post by Night Eyes on Wed Jun 01, 2016 11:33 am

Great post pressie

I think people love to talk about themselves, so thats always a good place to start, show an interest in them and what they like and do, it makes way to find common ground and shared interests.

I agree with the humour aswell although the only pit fall i have is i use it as a defence when i'm nervous so sometimes i se humour a little too much and can come off as the joker.
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Re: How to Talk About Anything with Anyone

Post by Evie on Mon Jun 06, 2016 10:03 am

Thanks, President "Maitreya" Roosevelt.  Heart with flowers What a fantastic post! I was just thinking, reading your first step, "yes but that's easier said than done sometimes" and you provided some steps for feeling comfortable in your own skin as if you'd read my mind. Very Happy

I'm usually just fine at talking to people, but sometimes in certain situations I can get shy or awkward, especially if I am in awe of the other person. I think it really is important to not only accept yourself but to reach for an understanding of your common humanity - just like me, this person has difficult times in his or her life, just like me, this person feels awkward sometimes, just like me, this person wants to be happy. Essentially, perhaps always reaching for love is the most powerful way to overcome any social anxiety. If you penetrate to the deepest level which is love, you are never any worse or any better than anybody else.

Interestingly, the be interested in them step is one that, like you and others probably, happens naturally for me - unfortunately I'm not always good at communicating it. Often, it is just so much easier to make small talk or talk about something you've experienced than to ask meaningful questions, even if you really want to ask those questions - it can feel like you don't know how to phrase them. When I get nervous I usually end up just gushing. Embarassed But everyone knows that the most charismatic individuals are those who shine the spotlight on others. A famous story is about the time Jennie Jerome, Churchill's mother, was an admired socialite talking to the two premier rivals in British politics. "When I left the dining room after sitting next to Gladstone," she said, "I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But when I sat next to Disraeli I left feeling that I was the cleverest woman."


Jennie Jerome

And, of course, Disraeli was infinitely more successful in politics than Gladstone. He made other people feel important. He was interested in them, rather than in himself. Smile

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The mind can go in a thousand directions, but on this beautiful path, I walk in peace. With each step, the wind blows. With each step, a flower blooms.” - Thich Nhat Hanh
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Re: How to Talk About Anything with Anyone

Post by Night Eyes on Mon Jun 06, 2016 12:26 pm

Its really amazing how a person can blossom and come out of themselves just by giving them that space and the feeling that someone wants to hear them I love you
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Re: How to Talk About Anything with Anyone

Post by Evie on Sun Jun 12, 2016 5:06 pm

How the Most Charismatic People Handle Awkward Conversations
from Inc: http://www.inc.com/chris-dessi/how-the-most-charismatic-people-handle-awkward-conversations.html



I recognized the actor right away. I didn't know his name, but I knew it was him. I was eating dinner in a busy restaurant with my business partner John.

I leaned over to John, "Hey, isn't that the guy from Boardwalk Empire?"  

John wasn't sure. We were winding down our dinner. The basketball game was playing at the bar.  I wanted to strike up a conversation with the actor.

So we went to the bar to get a closer look. Sure enough, it was him. Domenick Lombardozzi.

I stepped closer. My posture was pin perfect. My shoulders back and head high. My demeanor was calm. At that moment, I felt that I was the epitome of charisma.

Using a mildly positive tone when I spoke, I shot my hand out and said, "I love your work on Boardwalk Empire." Not too chirpy, not like a crazed fan would do.  

Moderate, with confident optimism. Pitch perfect.  

He smiled, reached out his hand and said, "Thank you for the compliment, that's a nice thing to say."  I gestured to John to come closer so I could introduce him.

The actor, with a group of his friends, turned his body to face us. I asked him what he was doing in Westchester County, New York (a suburb of New York City).

He said he lived here. He then asked me if I lived here as well. I told him that I did. In a small town called Chappaqua.

He complimented Chappaqua, and responded that he lived in a neighboring town called Pleasantville.  I asked him what it was like to live in Pleasantville?

He smiled, and said, "Pleasant."

We all looked up at the basketball game playing on the flat screen. The conversation was dwindling. I wracked my brain to think of what to say next.

He turned to me and said, "Hey, remind me what your name is again?"

Beaming, I replied, "I'm Chris." He reached out his hand to shake mine. Saying, "Chris, it's been great to meet you, enjoy the game."

It took a few seconds for it to register.  

Oh. My. God.

I'm a dolt. A cocky, intrusive, and annoying dolt. How embarrassing.  

Mr. Lombardozzi is a gentlemen, the epitome of charisma and good taste.  I was an annoyance, the creator of an awkward conversation.  

Let's break down how Mr. Lombardozzi handled me like a newborn chick in his palm, while I thought I was the cock of the walk.  

Compliment the compliment.
The moment I approached him, Domenick must have known what was coming.  He's been acting for many years, and I can't be the first person to have recognized him.

So he complimented my compliment, transferring the admiration back to me, which made me feel like a genius.  

Charismatic people can make you feel special. Even if you're not.  

Stay present.
Domenick didn't allow himself to get annoyed.  He turned away from his circle of friends, squared his shoulders, and locked in to John and myself. We distracted him, and he remained present. He gave us his full attention, and we basked in it.

Charismatic people make you feel like the center of their universe.

Deflect attention.
While enjoying our gentle banter, I thought I was the charm master. At every inquiry, Domenick masterfully deflected the attention to me. He didn't just answer a question, he would answer, respond, and then follow up with an engaging inquiry back, deflecting focus off himself and allowing me to blab on and on.

Charismatic people keep the attention on you.

Close the conversation with elegance.  
When Domenick decided our conversation was over, he shut it down.  But he did so with manners and panache.

Charismatic people are respectful, appropriate, and can even be elegant in awkward situations.
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Re: How to Talk About Anything with Anyone

Post by Glimmer on Fri Aug 05, 2016 7:54 am

This is gold:

Cosmetics tycoon Mary Kay Ash said, “Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, ‘Make me feel important.’ Not only will you succeed in sales, you will succeed in life.”

http://thebachbook.com/how-to-make-people-feel-important/
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